


Some People Aren't Meant to Have Friends

by AngelWolf1027



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Crying, Feelings, Friendship, Gen, Introversion, Loneliness, Loss of Control, Why Did I Write This?, over Emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 12:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18738715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelWolf1027/pseuds/AngelWolf1027
Summary: Dear Diary, I don't know what to do.





	Some People Aren't Meant to Have Friends

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not having a good day. Sue me.

Dear Diary, 

I don't know what to do anymore. I've spent all this time trying to find myself. A grand 13 years of never talking to anyone, doodling to myself and trying to convince myself that it was fine. That I didn't need anyone to survive. But, humans depend on each other for a safe space. We need each other to thrive. It's just our nature and trying to fight that is stupid and pointless. Day after day, I would come home and sit on my bed and cry to myself and never let anyone hear. I carried around a journal full of cute little drawings I made when alone. In elementary school, I was convinced that there was still a hierarchy of the populars and the outcasts because I had a clear outsider's view. I was beyond an outcast. Even outcasts were noticed at some point. I sat on the sidelines, desperately trying to fit in. Then, I just gave up. There is only so much a person can handle before they snap. And that little bottle kept filling itself bit by bit every day I decided I wouldn't deal with it.

For the first two years of middle school, I had nobody. And I didn't care because as long as I didn't show the pain, everything was fine. Until I met Alya, my best friend in the universe. We spent every spare moment together and I felt like I could finally fit in somewhere. She was sassy and could stand up for me when I couldn't do so myself and my introvert personality faded away. I became comfortable around others and felt some sense of self worth in that time. Now, barely into high school, she is leaving. Apparently, this school wasn't good enough. And it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I was lonely for so long, and gave up the idea of ever going back to being that way. I had adjusted and learned to depend on others every once and a while. And it came to bite me in the butt. Because I worked on myself for so long and my progress had gone down the drain in an instant. When I try to talk to my parents, they don't understand how it is, being such friendly people. It's like I'm stupid and there must be something wrong with me. I'm happy for her, but part of me wants her to regret her decision and come back and apologize for being so rude about it when I try to convince her to stay and when she complains about being alone at lunch, I try to tell her that I'll be just as miserable. That she can't complain about it when ultimately, this is her choice. 

She's been the one who knew how to make friends. I'm just that one lonely girl sitting on the sidelines, and after this year, everything I've worked towards will be gone. It's not like I can just pull a best friend out of my butt. I can't make up for the bonding or the secrets shared. i can't make up for the secret handshake or the silly secret languages. And I may see her sometimes, but she'll surely find other friends and I'll be forgotten again. Like I always was and always will be. I need people, but they don't need me. 

Some people just aren't meant to make friends and I'm not okay with that, but what can I do about it, anyway...?


End file.
